Cissy, thanks so much for your beautiful words and insight. I love the way you capture the human condition in all its light and shadow. Yes, people can change and do. Yes, hurt people hurt people. In the end, though, I am the only one I can change. I am the only one who can change my own story and not allow my pain to define me. I am the only one who can vow not to hurt others the way I have been hurt. There is so much hope and truth in the following: "I have always been and will remain — underneath it all. Dirt is older than pain. The soil, the land, the earth, my soul is ever present for the returning to." Thank you for sharing your "wobbly" changing voice with us!

Hi Audrey, First of all I'm so sorry about your loss. Please know that I am holding you and your family in love and light. I really enjoyed your post. I agree with Diane that there are all sorts of nuances to abuse — but that hurt is hurt. We need to get to place where we try to help and understand — let alone love and forgive — the abuser as much as the abused ... the bully and the person being bullied. Both need compassion. Both are hurting in their own way. I recently saw a photo of someone at the age he was when he bullied me during junior high. I couldn't believe how young he looked. He was just a kid. We both were. I tried to think about how much he must have been hurting at the time to do the things he did. I wondered how different things might have been if there had been people like you, James and the rest of us here around back then to help break the cycle.