Dear Steve thank you for this powerful, thoughtful, thought provoking, and insightful post. I know that this work is near and dear to your heart and I feel privileged to know you, walk with you, and learn from you. I read somewhere that systems change begins when a few people step forward to act on behalf of what matters to them. People who as Brené Brown said, "understand that it is not about winning, not about losing, it's about showing up and being seen!" It is about having the courage to go into the arena knowing that you will get your ass kicked but doing so regardless. It is about dignity - the inborn sense of value and worth that lives in each of us. Rainer Maria Rilke said, "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” Thank you, for asking the questions Steve! Thank you for sharing answers that you have lived into. Thank you for helping us to see that "hurt people hurt people." And in doing so hopefully create new and important questions that together we can strive to answer. Questions such as: who has helped you love the good that grows within you? who has helped with the ability to see your inner dignity? Who has given you a safe place? who has helped you see the gifts and abilities you posses, the strengths and abilities you bring into the world? And if the answer to these questions is "no one." If all you have experienced is cruelty, indifference, pain, and hurt. Why would we choose to impose more hurt? "WHY" is it that so many of our systems can't SEE and acknowledge what you have stated - "Expecting someone to establish healthy, respectful relationships after being raised in a world of abuse, cruelty, and disrespect, is unrealistic." Why do we continue to shame and punish individuals who are operating out of their shadow, out of their pain and hurt, out of a place of anger, jealousy, or resentment? Why can't we, given what the science, data, and research tells us, not see that if our pain is not witnessed and addressed we will continue to hurt ourselves and others? Why is it that rather than working to heal fragmented, disoriented, broken, and fear based individuals we actually have created systems that are based on retributive justice and the punishment of offenders rather than on rehabilitation? My dear colleague and friend Tia Martinez recently published a study that was commissioned by the Blue shield of California Foundation that I hope many read https://blueshieldcafoundation.org/sites/default/files/publications/downloadable/BreakingtheCycleLifeCourseFramework.pdf This graphic from her study validates your wonderful point my brother - "Understanding the impact of past traumatic experiences is critical in helping BIP participants learn to make respectful choices in relationships." Thanks again Steve I look forward to continuing to learn from you and the work that you and Dorothy are doing. Blessings and love Rev.James